child devil of tuna

I love Japanese food. I've always loved Japanese food. Unfortunately, I've been spending way too much time with Japanese food lately and it's really putting a strain on the relationship that we once had going. What was once exciting, exotic, and enticing has now just become common everyday fare. I thought that maybe I needed some time apart, but after a brief fling in Thailand, I became reaquainted with spice--a long ignored but unforgotten flavor--and I realized where my true loyalty lies.

It is not within the subtle textures and flavors of a perfectly presented bowl of udon noodles with strategically placed slices of scallions and pink-and-white fishcakes. It is not within the giant man-eating whole squids I get from time to time in my school lunch box. And it certainly isn't in the little miniature fish-shaped bottles doling out single servings of soy sauce.

I want my food to kick me in the ass and make me cry without looking like it just crawled out of the ocean 2 minutes ago. I want food to be salty-spicy-hot. And I don't want my meat served on a stick. A nice thick steak or a set of ribs will do.

Man, all this food talk is making me hungry. I want a burrito...

posted by Grace @ 12/31/2003 07:05:00 PM 0 comments

I'm bored bored bored.

8 hours and 30 minutes before my brother arrives at Nagoya Airport.
6 hours and 10 minutes before I should leave to go meet my brother.
4 hours and 5 minutes before Tomo gets off of work.
35 minutes before I can call Kathryn.
0.2 seconds before I succumb to my hunger and go eat something.

That's it. I'll go eat something. That'll surely kill at least half an hour...

posted by Grace @ 12/29/2003 07:23:00 PM 0 comments

Been in Japan for about 16 hours now and I'm already missing the warmth. It's fucking cold here, but apparently Cali's in the same boat, so my apologies. I'll stop being so self-centered and acknowledge the fact that it's not just me suffering from near-frostbite. But then again, you all have central heating... an amenity (although in this country, it should be categorized as a necessity) that the Japanese have not yet adopted. So there!

But enough about the cold. I have photos from the aforementioned trip to Thailand! For fear that my Snapfish account may have capped my bandwidth, I've only uploaded low quality pics. Email me if you want to see better photos. So without further ado:

Bangkok's Grand Palace. From L --> R Fiona, me, Alice, and Ruth.


Again, the Grand Palace. We're being inredibly un-PC, posing like Thai dancers and all...


Alice, Ruth, and me after a dive. That's Koh Bida Nok in the background.


Rachel (a random JET we picked up on Koh Phi Phi), Ruth, Alice, me and Fiona at our hotel's compulsory--overpriced and underwhelming--Christmas dinner. We had a particularly foul-tasting drink called a Phi Phi Paradise Spectacular or something equally excessive. It took all five of us to finish it.


A famous "bucket drink." Contains half a bottle of whiskey and some coke. Here's Ewan and Stuart plowing through one. I'm too much of a light weight to have one of these. Damn my asian genes...


This is Koh Phi Phi Leh. Where the movie "The Beach" was taped. This is "The Beach."


Returning to Phi Phi Don from Phi Phi Leh.


Ruth, Remy (sp? Stu's friend from college), Ewan, Fiona, me, and Stu.

posted by Grace @ 12/28/2003 07:40:00 PM 0 comments

Hello from Thailand! I'll keep this brief. I'm being charged by the minute to use some crazy satellite connection or something because I'm on a tiny island miles from civilization!

This is been the most amazing vacation ever! I'm am now a certified open water scuba diver. Tomorrow, I am going diving at a shipwrecked passenger liner and at Koh Phi Phi's Shark Point where I am guaranteed to see lots of really cool things! I have a WINTER tan! I have seen Thai lady boys. I have been to "The Beach" (as in the Leonardo Dicaprio movie, "The Beach"). I have seen the Grand Palace in Bangkok. The list goes on and on... Wish you were all here!

And of course, I just wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays mina-san!

posted by Grace @ 12/25/2003 04:01:00 AM 0 comments

Homestretch! I just finished my last class for the semester. And having survived my week of hell (in which I taught 4 or 5 classes a day. whew!), I can sit back and wait the 3 days that remain before I head off to Thailand!

posted by Grace @ 12/14/2003 10:52:00 PM 0 comments

Oh my God. This is so not OK. It's so cold here I want to die. And it's supposed to get WORSE? Right now, I can't see how that's even possible....

posted by Grace @ 12/10/2003 11:27:00 PM 0 comments

For every suspicious thought, for every unfair judgement that I pass, I feel intensely guilty. I should be more understanding, more forgiving. I know he's hurt inside. I know that I've contributed to any self-resentment and the feelings of worthlessness and regret that he might feel. I know all of these things, yet I still point fingers. I still take sides. I'm still unfair, unforgiving, untrusting. But I'm trying, trying, trying to believe that I can change. Because without that change, I will continue to distance myself from the one person who needs me to be his ally.

I often have nightmares when I'm stressed out or sick. I don' t usually remember them, but I remember this one. In my dream I remember begging him to forgive me. To let me make it up to him. To give me just one more chance. Because I am--at the very least--partly to blame.

posted by Grace @ 12/07/2003 08:00:00 PM 0 comments

I have a Japanese language proficiency exam tomorrow. Have I started studying for it? No. Not yet. And what did I learn in 18 years of schooling? How to procrastinate really really well. =P

posted by Grace @ 12/06/2003 12:51:00 AM 0 comments

What is passion?

Passion is powerful, ardent, intense. It can be deeply overwhelming and enormously satisfying. Some would argue that it gives meaning to our transient time here on Earth.

So what is life without passion?

I'm not entirely sure, but I would like offer my life as an example.

I'm not saying that my life has no meaning, but nothing I have experienced thus far can be classified as "passion." My life has been dictated by duty and necessity and I have done all that is required to be successful in life. I have been dedicated; I've worked hard to pave myself a nice road to the future, but I don't know if I want to walk down that road anymore. I don't know if happiness lies down that path.

But can I find what I'm looking for elsewhere? This is what I've been pondering for nearly a year now. Should I remain on the safe road because I know that will lead to security? Or should I take a chance and try doing something I really love?

If someone asked me this question, I would, without a doubt, tell them to pursue the latter. I have always been a firm believer in happiness over wealth, fulfillment over a Jaguar. And I think I would take my own advice, if I even had a choice. But therein lies the problem. I don't think I want to keep walking this way, but I see no other options. I have no passions, no driving desire to go pursue something else. Nor do I have a single talent that stands out, screaming to be nurtured and molded to fit into the rest of my life. I have no goals, no future vision, no lust for life.

So now I stand at a turning point. Not a crossroads, because that would suggest the existence of options. I have two choices: 1) continue down my current path because I know that will lead to job security, a comfortable but possibly unsatisfying life, a little house in a little town OR 2) turn around, backtrack and find where I missed that fork in the road, no matter how long it takes, and take that chance that I missed somewhere along the way.

If I actually KNEW what that missed chance was, I would definitely head back. But for now, I will sit here and sulk, because I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

posted by Grace @ 12/01/2003 04:57:00 PM 0 comments