Today's Topic: Slow on the Uptake
A slice of life presented to you on a plate of bitterness and served with a side of resentment of having been on a diet that is driving me insane. Disclaimer: these people are not to blame for their ignorance. I'm just mad that I haven't been eating enough chocolate. And hormones. I'm a girl. Gotta blame my hormones for something...
Person #1: What are your plans for Christmas Day?
Me: I'm going back home to America.
Person #1: When do you leave Japan?
Me: On Decemember 22nd.
Person #1: Oh, so you will spend Christmas Day at your home?
Me: Yes.
Person #1: You will be in America on Christmas Day?
Me: Yes.
Person #1: So you will spend Christmas Day at your home in America?
Me: Yes. [Wondering how many times one person can ask me the same question.]
Person #2: Is there really a Santa Claus in America?
Me: Uhhh, are you serious?
Student #1: I want to go to America someday to visit London.
Me: That will be impossible for you.
Student #1: I will try very hard and study English.
Me: London is in England which is in Europe.
Me: Please draw a picture.
Student #2: A picture?
Me: Yes, a picture.
Student #2: Draw?
Me: Yes, draw.
Student #2: Draw a picture?
Me: Yes, draw a picture.
Student #2: Oooohhhhh, DRAW a PICTURE!
Me: Yes, DRAW a PICTURE.
Me: Shall we play this game?
Teacher #1: Yes.
Me: Or shall we do this activity?
Teacher #1: Yes.
Me: No, you misunderstand. Shall we do this game OR this activity?
Teacher #1: Yes.
Me: What do you think of the rise in crimes in Japan?
Person #3: It's very bad.
Me: I agree. What do you think caused it?
Person #3: Foreigners.
So that I'm not discriminating against just Japanese people, let's take a walk down memory lane and revisit some of the stupid things my fellow Americans have said to me over the years. It's like a virus, infecting everyone and eating away at humanity.
Person from Wyoming: SO...WHERE...ARE...YOU...FROM...? (in veeeeeery slow English with lots of gestures)
Me: California.
Person from Wyoming: NO...WHERE...ARE...YOUR...ANCESTORS...FROM...?
Childhood bully #1: So what are you? Chinese?
Me: No.
Childhood bully #1: Japanese?
Me: No.
Childhood bully #1: Then what are you?! Mexican?!
Person from South Dakota: Konnichiwa!
Me: I'm not Japanese.
Person from South Dakota: Wow, you speak English real good!
Me: And you don't.
[brackets indicate spoken Korean]
Person from Korea: [I'm so jealous that you can speak English so well.]
Me: [Oh, it's only because I was born in America.]
Person from Korea: [You're so lucky because you can get a really good score on the TOEFL test.]
Me: [I don't have to take the TOEFL.]
Person from Korea: [Really? How come you don't have to take the TOEFL?]
Me: [Again, I was born in America. English is my native language.]
Person from Korea: [So you don't have to take the TOEFL. You are so lucky...]
Currently Reading: Jane Smiley - A Thousand Acres
Currently Playing: Hi Fives - In the Meantime, Please Don't Leave
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