It's funny how you can trick yourself into thinking you could lead a life like this forever. That this is real. That the past can be so easily discarded.
And it's equally funny how that false sense of security can come crashing down in an instant of self-realization. That the events occuring in a single day can remind you that seven months is not enough to alter 22 years. That the frustration I feel has nothing to do with the people around me but everything to do with how I feel about myself.
How do you erase a lifetime's worth of being told you're not good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough? Of trying so hard to win the approval of others. Of burying yourself in hard work because at least then you have some semblance of direction in life. The truth is, it's not easy to forget and I haven't. Not yet anyway. And I fear that I'll carry this baggage for a long time.
I so desperately want to believe you all when you tell me now that I'm good enough, smart enough, and pretty enough. It's just all going to take some time. Please be patient with me...
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