Got to Nagoya station and found that there were no more seats on any of the shinkansen trains going to Tokyo today. So I'm leaving tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn instead.
But the good/bad thing is that I was finally able to watch Matrix Revolutions. Good that I finally got to watch it. Bad because I think some of my brain dribbled out of one of my ears. Let me see if I have enough of it still left in my head to recall the plot... and be forewarned, if you haven't seen it yet, skip this entry please. But I can't think of anyone who hasn't seen it yet save for one person. You know who you are and don't tell me that I didn't warn you.
Scene 1: The Hammer
Trinity: Neo, wake up. The world needs you. I NEED you.
The audience: Don't kiss him and make it all better. That's been done. Please please please...
Morpheus: Look for Neo in the matrix. Because I know everything and I'm always right.
Captain of The Hammer: I am an ass and I don't care if you're always right. Do as I say. This is my ship.
Scene 2: The train station
Sati: I am another gifted child from the matrix. Wake up Neo.
Neo: Where am I?
Sati: Don't know for sure, but don't listen to the Trainman
Trainman: Grrrrrr. I make up the rules here. You're out of your jurisdiction, pansy! Muahahahah!
Scene 3: The matrix
The Oracle: Gloria Foster passed away. I'll make up some story trying to explain why I look different from the previous two movies.
The audience: We don't care. Get on with it woman.
Trinity: I am blinded by a poorly developed love story. We need to get Neo. Let's go see Frenchie. Mmmm, I want some chocolate cake.
[Lots of really cool fighting ensues. I love gun battles. Oh wait, Trinity is going to do some seriously cool ass-kicking... no, wait. No, the Wachowski Brothers are just going to recycle her two best moves from the first movie. Weak sauce.]
Frenchie: I have zee perfect accent. I am zee most pompous bastard.
Persephone: Blah blah she's in love blah blah. Look at my boobs.
Trinity: Die Frenchie. Or save my Neo. My life has no meaning without him.
Scene 4: the train station
Neo: I need to get out of here. And just because I said so, there should be a train coming. Oh look, here comes one now! Score, my babe comes with it!
Scene 5: The Matrix
Neo: I need to see The Oracle.
The Oracle: Whatever The Architect said in the last movie, please disregard.
The audience: WHAT??! I spent hours and hours discussing that gibberish with other people who took Reloaded too seriously!!!
Scene 6: Zion
Commander Locke: We are all going to die and it's Morpheus' fault. It's all his fault. You should have all listened to me. Me me me me me me.
[Battle for Zion starts somewhere around here. Now THIS is cool. Ooooh, look at all of the pretty CG sentinels ripping the humans to shreds.]
Scene 7: The Hammer
Naiobi: We need to get back to Zion.
Neo: I need a ship. I'm going to go take on the machines by myself.
Morpheus: I think we should let him go. Just a reminder to everyone. I'm always right about these things.
Captain of The Hammer: Over my dead body.
Naiobi: You can have my ship. I'll pilot The Hammer.
Captain of The Hammer: You're one sexy lady... Sure, you can have my ship!
[Someone dies, not too important. Neo and Trinity get on The Logos and set off. Agent Smith in human form tries to kill Neo, blinding him in the process. But surprise surprise, Neo can still "see" and kills Smith. Trinity swoons, holds his hand, and takes over navigational duties. My god, she's so bland in this movie.]
Scene 8: Zion
[Battle rages on. If only the rest of the movie could be this cool. Sure, it doesn't really add to the plot, but it's just so COOL!]
Scene 9: The Hammer
[Sentinels detect The Hammer.]
Naiobi: I am SO awesome. Bow down to the master.
Captain of The Hammer: I am SO in love! *drool*
Morpheus: She is SO mine. Hands off my once-was-but-is-no-longer girlfriend. We still have some poorly developed sexual tension here.
[The Hammer blasts through gate 3 into Zion, they kill all of the sentinels present and save the day for now.
Scene 10: Zion's Council Chambers
Everyone: Yay for Naiobi!
Commander Locke: Yeah, whatever. Thanks a bunch. We were completely screwed before you came and you bought us time but we're still completely screwed. You suck. I'm a jerk.
Morpheus: Neo will save us. Did I mention that I'm always right about these things?
Scene 11: The Machine City
[Trinity dies, boo hoo. At least Neo didn't save her life this time. gag.]
Uber AI: Who are you? Why are you here?
Neo: I want peace.
Uber AI: Muahaha. Puny mortal.
Neo: I can kill Agent Smith.
Uber AI: Well, alright then.
Scene 12: The Matrix
Smith: I kill you now.
Neo: Just you try.
Smith: Grrrr.
Neo: Grrrr.
The Audience: *yawn*
[They battle. They bend some of the laws of physics, keep others, and break the rest.]
The Audience: These are all of the same moves that we've seen a million times before but completely without style or grace. I'm bored. Die already, Smith.
[Neo gets his ass kicked nearly dies and Smith uploads himself into Neo's body.]
Scene 13: The Machine City
[The machines pump Neo's body full of high voltage human juices. This somehow fries all of the Agent Smiths in The Matrix. Neo dies without having really done anything to solve the problem except for offering his body to the Uber AI, who did the ACTUAL deleting of all of the Smiths.]
Uber AI: Cool. It's over.
Scene 14: Zion
Everyone: Yay! The war is over!
Morpheus: See? I told you so.
Scene 15: The Matrix
The Architect: How long do you think peace will last?
The Oracle: Certainly not forever.
The Architect: Ah, vicious cycle. I'm not out of a job yet. Nor are the Wachowski brothers out of a franchise.
[end]
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