Friday, June 06, 2003
Updates are few and far between. I'm sorry. I just have no need to procrastinate. I discovered that I only blog when I don't really have time to and now that I'm sitting at home doing nothing in particular, it's very difficult to find motivation to write anything. But the events that occured today warranted a little blogging.
My brother graduated from high school today. That little booger managed to pass all of his classes this semester. But in any case, I went along to the Saugus High School graduation ceremony and of course, I see many many people with whom I also went to high school, jr. high, elementray school, etc etc. Needless to say, it was a very odd feeling. I wasn't sure if I should go up to those people and say "hi" or if I should pretend I didn't see them. It makes me wonder if they're also making that conscious decision about me. And then there were people whose names I could not, for the life of me, remember. I remembered all sorts of facts about them: "gee, I ran track with her for 3 years" or "we were in AP calculus together".... you get the idea. It's so odd. Just four years ago, these people were my life and high school seemed so important. But now we've all moved on and gone our separate ways. I keep in contact with only a handful of people from high school.
I did get a chance to talk to some people who I was particularly close to and on one hand, it felt really good to catch up on the last four years and find out how they've been doing and what they plan to do in the future. On the other hand, it was kind of sad when we parted saying things like "good luck with the rest of your life." Because honestly, unless I make some sort of valient effort (and that effort has to be reciprocated), I most likely won't get an opportunity to see them again. Many of them, including me, were there today to see their younger siblings graduate and no family has a limitless supply of younger siblings to gradaute so that all of us old folk can meet up at our old stomping ground every few years. I'm feeling gnawing pang of nostalgia and it makes me want to call, email, and IM the people who I was close to, but for some reason, have drifted far from over the last four years.
I was just informed today that a friend from Saugus was getting married tonight (well, by now, he's already married). And I also heard that another friend of mine was engaged to be married sometime this summer, after her own graduation in a couple of weeks. There are those who working, going to grad school, moving clear out of California to take on jobs elsewhere. People are going places while I'm stalling for time. I was never one for making my own decisions. Up until now, I've been pretty much told what was best for me and I just went ahead and did it. Now I have to start planning the rest of my life and I find it more difficult than any MCB final that I've ever taken.
And now that I've graduated from Berkeley, I have this fear. Is this just a cycle that I'll repeat over and over again? Four years from now, will I long for the glory days of my undergraduate career at Berkeley? Will I be that lame person who never returns phone calls and emails? Will I lose touch with the friends I've met at Cal? Who's to say I won't or I will? Just four years ago, I felt that the people that I grew up with were my close friends and yet, here I am saying "goodbye forever, have a wonderful life." Well, I guess only time will tell...
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